Having Two Places You Call Home

I am currently sitting in the Philly airport (and will continue to be sitting here for the next few hours), listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and reflecting on my last 2 weeks. The lovely view of gray skies, airplanes resting before their next voyage, and people hard at work on the runways only provides entertainment for so long. However, I finally have time to write. I notice when I don’t write for a while I get antsy. So finally here is my few hours of freedom to get the jumble of thoughts in my head on paper.

In a few hours I will be leaving the states for another few months. Before coming back for this visit, I had been gone for over 10 months. I never thought I would be the type of person who would say that. I have always loved my home and even more so the people that surrounded me. Even now, I still miss the people I love that live stateside everyday. However, I have also grown to love something else that keeps pulling me away from them. Going home made me realize how much I truly love Paris and the life I have created here. Part of me believes its the tremendous struggle that it took to get me here today, however, I cant help but fall in love every day with my city. This way of life is much more normal to me now and I found myself overwhelmed and questioning things that once were routine when I returned back to my sunny home of 22 years.

I loved every minute I was home. I got to see almost everyone I wanted to despite my jam-packed schedule during the 2 weeks. I was able to cross all the American things I have been craving of my list. I also, (and this is of extreme importance of course,) got to put my bare feet in the cool sand on shores of PB and listen to the waves crash. I enjoyed spending every waking moment with the people I love and getting the chance to reconnect with people I haven’t seen in a long time.

This time was different from the last time I was home. When I came back for Christmas, I was scared to return to France. I didn’t want to face the coldest winter Paris had seen in last quarter of a century or the uncomfortable and less than appealing living situation I was in. I was terrified to leave the sunshine, warmth, family, friends, and most importantly comfort. However this time, although sad to leave family and friends, I was excited to return and found myself missing the life I have in Paris. Of course, I would have loved to stay on holiday rather than return to the 9 to 6 grind but a part of me wanted to be back here. Getting on the plane was like saying goodbye to return home. A strange comfort that was new to me but so satisfying.

I will always look at southern California as my true home. I was born and raised there and will never forget or discredit the life I had there. I know I will return. My heart will always belong to two places and that does not make one of those places any less important than the other. I did not “abandon” southern California and I don’t think Paris is better. Paris isn’t forever but it for now. And no, I don’t know how long that now will last for and I am ok with it. I am going to stay until I don’t want to anymore. Plain and simple. But for now, my little 15 meter squared flat with no kitchen and view of Sacre Coeur will remain my home. Not only am I happy about that, I am proud. This is my life and I have done it all on my own.

Coco Marie

Coco Marie is the author of the travel, wellness, and lifestyle blog, Miss Coco Marie.com. After living in Paris and traveling through Europe, Coco has made it back to San Diego but still enjoys trying new foods, exploring new cultures, and living a healthy lifestyle. Check out more of Coco's story here.

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