Summertime

Every year I anxiously anticipated summer. Freedom. Sunshine. Fun.

This year? Summer just brings good-byes, no time off and loads of good-byes. Not the childhood memory I was so fond of.

It’s the end of June and we have yet to see summer weather. July marks the end of several people’s time here in Paris. And don’t even get me started on how insane work is. It is times like this that I wonder why I took lazy, sunny San Diego days for granted. Honestly, I just want to plop my butt in the sand and soak in summer. Yet for some reason this summer I am exceptionally stressed out and frustrated.

I don’t know what I want. I love Paris. But I also hate it. Truth be told. I talked about my serious relationship with this city awhile back but now it has turned slightly abusive and I can’t break away. Work is honestly eating my soul and I keep having to prepare myself for goodbyes. No consistency, no control. I am spontaneous and go with the flow but I am not going to lie… I am a bit of a control freak like the rest of my family and lately I feel like I have no control.

Thinking about moving back stateside gives me serious anxiety. This has been my life for 2 years. And I see what happens to some of the expats that return–they just want to figure a way to come back. I know I could come back if I wanted to but moving back seems like an even bigger decision than the one I took to move to France. I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s because I know I have changed or the people I knew so well changed, or both. Or maybe it’s because I have I don’t think I will really fit back stateside. Or maybe it’s just my weird obsession with Paris.

I know going back to California would not be the end of the world. In fact, I am sure it would be good. There are days I can’t think of anything else besides moving home but then it seems like something in this city all draws me back in. I am so proud of my experience here. It was honestly the best decision I made. It seems weird to end it all. But I know one day I probably will. As much as I love it here, I am not convinced this is the city for the rest of my life. I’m a mover… I think I will experience several cities before finding my home.

Until then, I would really like if Paris could get its butt in gear and give me some summer!!!

 Summertime

Coco Marie

Coco Marie is the author of the travel, wellness, and lifestyle blog, Miss Coco Marie.com. After living in Paris and traveling through Europe, Coco has made it back to San Diego but still enjoys trying new foods, exploring new cultures, and living a healthy lifestyle. Check out more of Coco's story here.
 Summertime

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This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Dad says:

    The move will be tough. No doubt about it, but you will be fine. You will always remember your times in France over the past two years because they were/are an integral part of your adult life. You went out on your own and made your way; it just happened to be in Paris.

    Although you will physically be leaving, you will always carry the memories with you. On tough days you will question why you ever left and on good days you will wonder why you ever went! Much the same feelings you had when you left the US and started your journey.

    Do not second guess yourself. Move forward with confidence. Do your homework. Develop a plan. Live your life.

    You will always have our support.

    Love

  2. Dad says:

    The move will be tough. No doubt about it, but you will be fine. You will always remember your times in France over the past two years because they were/are an integral part of your adult life. You went out on your own and made your way; it just happened to be in Paris.

    Although you will physically be leaving, you will always carry the memories with you. On tough days you will question why you ever left and on good days you will wonder why you ever went! Much the same feelings you had when you left the US and started your journey.

    Do not second guess yourself. Move forward with confidence. Do your homework. Develop a plan. Live your life.

    You will always have our support.

    Love

  3. Dad says:

    FYI

    It has been in the 90s all week! Summer awaits you!

  4. Dad says:

    FYI

    It has been in the 90s all week! Summer awaits you!

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